He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
