I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
