Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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