Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
