I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nicole vs. Life
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
