when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
