The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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