That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
