At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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