Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
