hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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