i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
