so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
