so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
