So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is the high leading the old right now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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