You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I didn't notice because vodka
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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