why didn't you poke me back
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
