I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This baby is an asshole
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
