It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
