why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
