im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
