3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
