I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
