We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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