I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
