apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
