is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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