Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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