1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sober January is a disaster.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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