i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
