I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
