I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
