I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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