I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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