so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
