she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
