Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
