just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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