what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
