Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
