I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
