Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
