His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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