2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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