Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
