i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
