i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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