I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
