can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
