That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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