If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
